Thankfulness

Obviously our family has so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
Besides being thankful that Ashton is still with us there are alot of
other emotions going on in my chaotic brain right now. Anger that
this happend to him in the first place, guilt that it had to get to the point
it did, and overwhelming sadness. Sometimes I think about him a few weeks
ago, running, jumping, smiling, laughing, riding his bike, and just being a
regular kid. It just breaks my heart. He is such a different boy right now.
I know that will change, but its really hard for me to imagine. I just wish
his hair would grow back, his lopsided smile would miraculously fix itself and
next time he wakes in the morning, looks at me and says "let's get up now, mommy", he really will be able to get up instead of realizing he can't and crying, like he did yesterday.
Through out his ordeal in the hospital, we had taped a photo of his adorable
smiling face for every nurse and dr. to see. I wanted them to see how bright
and shining he was before his emergency...I wanted them to know him before
the tubes and wires.

Back to being thankful...Pat and Ashton and I took a trip to the Dominican E.R. today
to give a huge "thanks" to two of the best nurses at the hospital...(you know who
you are) It felt so good to be able to do that. Ashton wasn't in the most perky
of moods, but they got to see him and know that what they do does make a huge
difference. A thousand thanks to you two, and the numerous other nurses and dr's
that helped stabilize him that day. This year, Thanksgiving has a whole new meaning.