I just tucked Ashton into to bed about an hour ago. He loaded me down
with many kisses and hugs before saying goodnight, which is great of course.
He is really starting to get his old "spark" back. He also said something I hadn't
heard for a while..."see you in the morning". I said it back but a flash came over me...
what if I don't? That is happening more and more lately. I know deep down that
I'm sure to see him in the morning, but there is this dread about the future.
What if his brain should swell in the night and we lose him? Will he be here for
another trip to Disneyland this summer? Will he be here next Christmas?
I thought of that today as we went to get our tree. Is this his last trip with us?
I couldn't bear it....I won't be able to do any of our traditions if he is gone. These
are not thoughts I should be having about him...it's just not fair at all!
An oncology nurse practitioner said something to me the other day that made me
feel a bit better. I was asking her about his treatment schedule, letting her know
how I am so anxious to start his treatment because I want to feel like we are doing
something. She said its hard now to even think we will have a handle on things, but
to give it about four months and we should feel that we do. I can't wait to feel like we
have the upper hand....I just can't wait.
Our tree is decorated, I've added a few other things around the house....I even
felt like putting some Christmas music into the cd player as we made our treck up the
mountain to chop down our tree. We do have 2 other kids after all...and they deserve
to have their traditions and pieces of happiness. I even started to get into the
Christmas spirit a bit. We still have to have our normal times...it helps get us
through the tough times.
Ashton is progressing more and more each day still. I was noticing today
that he is starting to look like a little boy sick in bed with a cold or something.
He isn't frozen in one position from neck pain, he is moving around more and his
left side is definitely getting to be more mobile. He still is refusing to practice walking though.
The rehab is set to start this week and I'm excited about that.
We have 3 appointments up at Stanford tomorrow and we have to be there at 7:45
in the morning!! He has a C.T. scan, then a meeting with one of the oncologists and
finally a check- up with the wonderful Dr. Edwards, his surgeon and my hero.
Its a full day but at least its another step forward in the direction I so desperately
want to get started. His treatment and his cure.
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1 comment:
Hi Dori and Pat,
Drew here, from the MNF group. My heartfelt best wishes and prayers to Ashton and the rest of you. I sure enjoyed reading through your notes and seeing how quickly he is coming around.
I have a business where I make photo-personalized books for kids. They're adventure stories where the kid stars in the story, with his name, photos, and some other info integrated in. I've heard from my customers that these are especially good for kids who aren't feeling well, because it lets them visualize themselves as healthy, powerful people who are having lots of fun. I imagine you know about the power of visualization. If you'd like one, I'd like to make a book for Ashton. You can check out the Website at www.aardvarkstories.com and pick out a book for him. You can email me at drewfr at yahoo and I'll send you a gift certificate.
All the best,
Drew
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